1. Rent or queue up Michael Bay’s 2007 “live action” version of Transformers (NOTE: this “How to” addresses the 2007 version of Transformers, not the superior 1986 animated version).
2. Put the DVD in the DVD player.
3. Go directly to the chapter selection menu.
4. Select chapter 18.
5. Begin watching the movie. Disregard the clunky, superfluous plot that’s been leading up to this over the past hour and forty minutes. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what’s going on. You’ve gotten to the part of the movie that you want to see–giant robots fighting giant robots. Additionally, don’t worry about who the characters are. You can figure it out pretty easily, if you like–they’re all types (stereo- or arche-). Alternately, don’t even worry about who the characters are.
6. Enjoy the mayhem and violence and spectacle of Transformers.
7. Now, as a form of penance, watch a movie by Akira Kurosawa, Peter Greenaway, Nic Roeg, Werner Herzog, Pedro Almodovar, David Lynch, or any other director worth a damn.
Said