“The Definition”
by
Russell Edson
He that puts suicide into his left ear pretends it is wax. His mother says, but it’s a bullet which you have shot yourself with.
Is that how I died? he said.
That’s when the funeral began, it was like a flower festival; your father asked me to marry him, and with much declining as to appear of greater value I agreed. Of the two of us, your father and I, so overlapping we blurred into three. I said, how is this? Your father said, this is this. And this was you. But for a time we could not tell who any of us were. Your father said, who am I? And I said, am I you? And he said, if you are me then I am the small one there and the small one is you. And after much declining I agreed to be anyone; I said, someone is passing the house, shall I be someone passing the house? … and so forth. Until we discovered that we had shadows; so that in the morning we would assemble and let the sun stencil us on the wall: The largest of the three we allowed would be the father, the next largest, the mother, and the smallest, the third one, which you were called as we did not know who you were …
And that you might be a wood god or the spirit of the house … So that we allowed
you to define yourself.
But of my suicide? …
But you see that is another definition of the first turning which was turned when I wasn’t looking …
And of my death? …
As a festival of flowers … declining as to appear of greater value …
Biblioklept 