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Read Edna St. Vincent Millay’s one-act play, Two Slatterns and a King

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Two Slatterns and a King

A Moral Interlude

by

Edna St. Vincent Millay

PERSONS

The King
Chance the Vice
Tidy the false Slattern
Slut the true Slattern

The Prologue and the Epilogue Spoken by Chance

Two Slatterns and a King

PROLOGUE

I am that cunning infidel
By men called CHANCE,—you know me well.
It is through me you met your wives;
Through me your harvest blights or thrives;
And one and all, through me, to-day
Hither you came to see the play,
Which if your favor still you lend,
As now, so on until the end,
You shall be taught what way a King
Though a sublime and awful thing
And even wise, may come to be
A laughing-stock,—and all through me!
(Exit)
(enter King)
King:
I am the King of all this land:
I hold a sceptre in my hand;
Upon my head I wear a crown;
Everybody stands when I sit down. (Sits)
Chance (Appearing to audience; he is invisible
throughout the play to the other players in it.):
Excepting me,—please bear in mind
I sit whenever I feel inclined. (Sits)
King:
Although my lands are wide and long,
My walls right thick, my armies strong,
I am not wholly satisfied.
Chance:
That is because you have no bride.
King:
Who speaks?—Come forth and, if you dare,
Say once again what causes my care!
Why I am discontent with life!
Chance:
It is because you have no wife.
King:
A woman in my royal house!
A woman! A wife! A bride! A spouse!
Bold stranger, this is not the cure,
For a woman I could never endure!
Chance:
Per-CHANCE to-morrow you will find
You have altered your imperial mind.
(Exeunt King and Chance severally)
(Enter Tidy)
Tidy:
I am TIDY, I have been
All my life both neat and clean.
From my outside to my in
Clean am I unto my skin.
Every day into a bucket
My hands I dip, my head I duck it;
And if the water plenty be
I sometimes wet some more of me.
This is my kitchen, where you will find
All things pleasant and to your mind;
Against the wall in orderly pairs—
One, two,—one, two,—observe my chairs
In the middle of the room my table stands:
I would not move it for many lands.
My basins and bowls are all in their places;
The bottoms of my pots are as clean as your faces.
My kettle boils so cheerily,
It is like a friendly voice to me;
About my work I merrily sing,
And I brush my hearth with a white duck’s wing.
Oh, full is every cupboard, sharp is every knife!—
My bright, sunny kitchen is the pride of my life!
(Exit Tidy)
(Enter Slut)
Slut:
I am SLUT; I am a slattern,
You must not take me for your pattern.
I spend my days in slovenly ease;
I sleep when I like and I wake when I please.
My manners, they are indolent;
In clutter and filth I am quite content.
Here is my kitchen, where I stir up my messes,
And wear out my old shoes and soiled silk dresses.
My table sags beneath the weight
Of stale food and unwashed plate;
The cat has tipped the pitcher o’er,—
The greasy stream drips onto the floor;
Under the table is a broken cup—
I am too tired to pick it up.
(Exit Slut)
(Enter King)

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