Posted on February 26, 2013 at 3:32 pm in Writers | RSS feed
¡Ha! ¡Ha! ¡Ha! ¿Satyrist or satirist? A cool way to avoid vulgar questions.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: So now we come to the part where I pretend you have fulfilled all of my fantasies, and you pretend that you are about to climax.
AVITAL RONELL: Hold on, I dropped the receiver.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: I am putting on the Style Council. This is a momentous occasion.
AVITAL RONELL: Slavoj, are you there?
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: This is a question for which I don’t have a satisfactory answer.
AVITAL RONELL: Okay, so I’m wearing those shoes you like.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: This I will have to take your word for.
AVITAL RONELL: So where were we?
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: I, being the assured cocksman, have you pinned down on the edge of the bed. And this would seem the appropriate point for you to pretend as if you are about to climax.
AVITAL RONELL: Do you want me to moan or something?
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: This, of course, is a cliche. You moan, you signify, and so on and so forth, but for our purposes I think you should do something unexpected.
AVITAL RONELL: So then I should moan.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: This is unexpected to you? This type of behavior?
AVITAL RONELL: I don’t normally moan.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: You are silent?
AVITAL RONELL: I growl, I guess. I kind of make a growling sound.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: This is what you normally do, you growl, this is fine, I have no problems with this.
AVITAL RONELL: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: This is not sexy to me, but that is fine, because I am pretending that I am the considerate lover, so you growl.
AVITAL RONELL: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: In order for me to see that you are about to climax it is probably very important that your skin, on your cheeks on and your cheeks, yes, that the skin has become flushed.
AVITAL RONELL: How do we do that on the phone?
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: This is easy. You go into the bathroom with the phone and you flush the toilet so I can hear the toilet being flushed, and then I know that you are close, at which point I, the consummate Casanova, know that it is time for me to speed up my thrusting.
AVITAL RONELL: How will I know how fast your thrusting?
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: Listen to this (BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!).
AVITAL RONELL: What was that?
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: This is me slamming my door.
AVITAL RONELL: Will you be able to hear me growl if you’re slamming your door?
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: This is a good question.
AVITAL RONELL: Don’t you have any neighbors?
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: This is also a good question.
AVITAL RONELL: Well, do you?
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: It’s very complicated. Do you mean, are there people who live above me, below me, to the sides of me?
AVITAL RONELL: Yes.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: Then no. I do not have neighbors, not per se, as they say.
AVITAL RONELL: Should I start growling again?
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: Only if you feel like it.
AVITAL RONELL: Not really.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: Now is the time I pretend that I am the rejected lover.
AVITAL RONELL: Honestly, I have a pot of Bucatini that’s about to boil over.
SLAVOJ ZIZEK: This is the story late Capitalism, is it not?
Thank you so much. Thank you. Six, seven years of doing the blog finally paid off. You win some kind of prize. Thank you.
Do I get credit for the Zizek impersonation I whip out when I get drunk at parties? It involves lots of sniffling, rubbing/bashing my nose, and tugging on the front of my t-shirt.
You get credit for friends who will tolerate such behavior ;)
In all seriousness, I would love to see the impersonation.
Sorry for the typos. It’s hard to write this shit at work and also thoroughly proof it.
CTRL-ALT just made my day. Hearty har har har! I’ll probably wake up in the middle of the night chuckling to myself and really scare somebody.
Reblogged this on The Brandon Blakely.
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