[Editorial note: The following citations come from one-star Amazon reviews of Don DeLillo’s novel White Noise. I’ve preserved the reviewers’ original punctuation and spelling. More one-star Amazon reviews].
quips
UGH
rubbish
chubby wife
Verble sparing
Love the cover
nothing happens
frequently witless
watching paint dry
orgasmic experiences
Barak Hussein Obama
supremely unamusing
my daughter hated this
rampant commercialism
trying to be ironic but failing
it’s not clear what the point is
hated this book with a violent passion
he goes to the grocery store about 4 times
slobbering self appointed literary pillocks
Fred Flintstonesque postmodern hectoring
some generic non-descript mid-western city
ultra trite unimaginative obsession about death
Theme is supposed to emerge from a work of fiction
desperately avoids any of the conventional trappings of fiction
a silly trick by a critic’s darling to help us feel more self-rightous
A left wing hipster might relate to the message the book is trying to communicate
It has good ideas and themes for a literature class if you look at it from that perspective
Feels false, like the author was trying to make sublime points about human nature and the direction of society
The cartoonish characters are about as credible as the windbag Biden is on foreign policy
felt like the author was just using the characters and the plot as puppets
I invested almost six minutes reading this book before I threw it out
I read this book so I’m smarter than the rest of you
Even allowing for the mid 1980’s publication date
entire pages go by and nothing really happens
moaning middle class left wing academics
they go through an airborne toxic event
the Sopranos and Anne of Green Gables
dated technology/consumer references
Droned on and on and on about death
wasn’t a single character I cared about
a Hannah Montana puke fest
tossed it into the trash
watching grass grow
I prefer life to death
local supermarket
A Seinfield book
literary (as if?)
he goes crazy
anal vacuity
it bore me
dullardish
it just ends
Biblioklept 
Watching grass grow, and paint dry; and orgasmic on the same list. May be that I shouldn’t read it.
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I enjoyed this review of reviews and feel uninclined to read the book
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‘tossed it into the trash’ is so much funnier than ‘tossed it in the trash’
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