Wuthering Heights’ Questions (Chapters 1 and 2)


‘Mr. Heathcliff?’

And what did I do?

‘What the devil is the matter?’

‘Take a glass of wine?’

‘Not bitten, are you?’

‘Your health, sir?’


‘What are ye for?’

‘Is there nobody inside to open the door?’

‘Why?  Cannot you tell her whom I am, eh, Joseph?’

‘Do you intend parting with the little ones, madam?’

‘Ah, your favourites are among these?’

‘Were you asked to tea?’

‘Were you asked?’

‘Half an hour?’

‘Do you know that you run a risk of being lost in the marshes?’

‘Perhaps I can get a guide among your lads, and he might stay at the Grange till morning—could you spare me one?’

‘Are you going to mak’ the tea?’

‘Is he to have any?’

‘Get it ready, will you?’

‘Where is she—my amiable lady?’

‘Is that it?’

‘How must I do?’

‘Are you not afraid of being carried away bodily, whenever you mention the devil’s name?’

‘Then, if you hear of me being discovered dead in a bog or a pit full of snow, your conscience won’t whisper that it is partly your fault?’

‘How so?’

‘Who? … Which would you have?’

‘Are there no boys at the farm?’

‘And who is to look after the horses, eh?’

‘I wonder what you’ll have agait next? Are we going to murder folk on our very door-stones?’

Twain & Einstein in “Good Grief! Still More Wuthering Heights” (Mike Kupperman)



Hark! A Vagrant Does Wuthering Heights

At Hark! A Vagrant, satirist supreme Kate Beaton sends up Wuthering Heights. Beaton’s book is now available for preorder.